The Downsides of a new Bestie(?)

So, there is this moment when you believe, in all sincerity, that you have, in your life a new person whom you can trust, tell your secrets, spend time and do all that shit you do with an old friend. You start liking that person despite his shortcomings. You are the sort of person who likes to hold on to relationships and sustain them. You are the one who believes that one requires a good deal of time-spending for a friendship, or for that matter, any relationship to nurture. But then, at times, it feels as if the blossoming of this 'relationship' was pretty immature and basically, not required. You feel that this is becoming too one-sided, requiring too much of an 'investment' of effort on your part. And then you begin to realize that you always knew what kind of a person he was. You always knew that there might be a point of time in the future where you might have to face what you are facing now. So, you entered into this 'relationship' with all this in mind. So, does that discredit the ongoing rant ? Only because I knew what I was entering into? I don’t know. There was a clarification I sought at the beginning. And received a response quite in the affirmative, to the extent of me being acknowledged as someone worthy of being held on to. But now, it seems, it’s fading away. Just on the verge of slipping away. 

Why have I come to be so concerned about this 'relationship' in particular? Is it because I have started genuinely liking him? And the does the fact of it not being met with the required reciprocity become a source of worry? I guess that is a problem. The problem of reciprocity which forms the very basis of the existence of some relationship. And then, there is also the anxiety that he would still not acknowledge or even know that there is something wrong in the 'relationship'. There is something lacking. Something has depreciated. Has he even noticed it? I guess not. Because I haven’t made it explicit. Should I make it explicit? I don’t know. If he considers me to be someone worthy of being held on to, I’d better not.

But there still remains a question which has remained a source of worry for quite some time now. That of my genuinely liking him. Do I? At some points of time, I do. And that is when my ‘investment of effort’ into the ‘relationship’ is the maximum. And the lack of an ‘investment’ of such sorts on his part is discouraging. And that’s when posts like these are written. That’s when such analyses happen. And that’s when some solutions emerge. That of the beginning of a reverse ‘investment’. That of retraction. That of the beginning of the end of such liking. That of the employment of a conscious effort of doing so. But I know I will falter somewhere. And what will I do then? I’ll write another blogpost.