RassMalaai Rites

Okay. This is a happy post. Like, one of those light, buoyant* types. Where I feel extremely nice about myself. Like this minion. I feel like looking around and smiling at everyone, at the cost of seeming stupid. I guess this is one of those few times (and quite late in my life) where I feel like a teenager. Maybe because I didn't have that 'teenage' life. But whatever, it feels like this is that life, and I don't want to think about the past and cry or whine or crib. Obviously, I can't think of anything impossible to happen now. It's just that there is this recognition of something I have harboured for a long time, and when I see the acknowledgment of that recognition on someone's face, it's just amazing. I mean 'amazing' is too shallow a feeling (is that even a feeling?); it's just beyond explanation, I guess! Well, I have important things to do, I know. But I thought it better to write it down than let it linger in my mind. So, yeah

Well, this was something I had been planning since quite some time. I hadn't arrived at a perfect moment to do it, although the moment I chose was something I had thought of at more than one instance. I don't regret the manner in which I did it. It was a moment when I was extremely happy and buoyant and more so because of the reaction. The way his eyes had lit up (maybe in shock, or sheer happiness, I don't know!) and that full smile, is something I can still picture in my mind. Well, the only confusing bit is that minute little possibility that because of the state of inebriation, he might not recall it now! But well, I don't think that's completely true, given the events that have transpired since. To my mind, that moment was not about me coming out to him as gay, (although yes, that was an underlying assumption) but more of an admission of me liking him. Obviously one can't control the nature and manner of information that flows from mouth to ear in this p

Deciding what you want to do for a living can be very difficult. Especially at a juncture when you know a lot is at stake. Having pursued a professional course for 4 years without much direction and thought and having arrived at that point of time when the question is not what you want to do but whether you should have pursued the course at all, it becomes mind-numbingly atrocious to search for the answers to the above questions. Consequently, there is an onset of a plethora of existential questions. Questions which are more in the nature of doubting one's decisions, one's actions and one's lack of taking some necessary steps. The most prevalent thought in these times is the lack of thought and consideration invested at the beginning of it all. Yes, it's okay to be disoriented for a while in the beginning due to reasons of the entire thing being completely new and overwhelming. One is in one of the best institutions of the country and the fact of being there fills on