Joblessness*

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There used to be a time when I had something concrete in mind before I would pen down a post. Now it's just like, "haven't written in a while, and hence should do something about it". This post is not something that exactly conforms to that idea. I do have something in mind, nothing well-formed but yes, something to begin with.
The past week was an unreasonably panicky one. There were things that I learned, no second-thoughts about that. But, it was more like "Oh my god, the day is fast approaching, and I am nowhere". Even such a thought was quite unreasonable and it was this thinking that made me lose my mind and forget everything (or most of it) that I had been feeding into my brain since the beginning of this semester. Why this fear though? General panick-y attitude? Or was it an overreaction? Or was it well-founded due to all what had and has been transpiring for quite some time now? Don't know. A blend of everything in varied proportions, I guess.
There were also those moments when I would start dreaming. Dreaming enough that I'd beat Walter Mitty. And those dreams would not even have any foundation or justification. Just random, out-of-the-blue thoughts largely about the future. A brilliant, rosy picture. And this wasn't the first time. And whenever this dreaming exercise happened in the past, I have failed miserably. Maybe not in the eyes of others, but in my own, and quite pathetically so. But was any lesson learnt? To an extent, I'd say, although not to the fullest.
Am I getting too obsessed? Too blinded? I guess I am, but I do believe that is what's required of me right now and I shouldn't really divulge into questions of why so, because frankly, it's not going to help me in any way. What is going to help is a one-tracked mind (not to its illogical extension) with a certain degree of flexibility. Bah! That sounds hard, but whatever. You have no other choice. At least for the time being. So, fuck off now and work.

Bye.

*literally and figuratively  
 

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